Due to school and personal issues, I haven't been able to update this section in over a year. I do receive countless submissions and I thank you all for breaking your silence and contribute to dancinginthedarkness.com.

I will try to update this page as soon as possible. In the mean time, you may read the past submissions and be inspired by these courageous survivors.

I have flashbacks every now and then, maybe 6 -12 months apart. I am in therapy and realised that I have never really dealt with the abuse, but have buried it very well instead. I want to know how I can incourage these flashbacks to come back quicker so that I can deal with them. It is now 30 years later, and I now what it to end, no more controlling me. I was a victim, I now want to be a survivor. Please e-mail me with your thoughts.

by Zelna J on Jul 16 2004

I hate when a flashback comes on. It is so real and the reliving it over and over is horrible. It is so painful. Sometimes I just want to drink myself into a state were I will pass out and the pain will stop. However, that never works. I keep working on this so hopely someday the flashbacks won't come.

by Diane on Jun 22 2004

I just want to say I'm sorry for all of you. I've been abused for several years, and finally it looks like I actually care. I never said a word about it, never cried, but now, years later, the flashbacks are so hard to deal with, it makes me so very very angry that I want nothing else than to hurt myself. Finally, I've asked for help. I'm scared. Jolanda, Amsterdam, The Netherlands, 28.

by Jolandaon Jun 05 2004

At times - I cannot sleep through the night. When I close my eyes, home movies appear on the back of my eyelids. The kind of home movies you use to sit and watch with your family on a wall. The kind with no sound. But what I'm watching is my frightful experience that lasted too long. I see everything taking place. I want to reach out and save myself, but I obviously can't. When that does happen, I put on some sort of music (usually Ani DiFranco or Tori Amos), and create something like a drawing, painting, or a story. Or sometimes I just cry. Tears do help I suppose.

by Janeon Jun 01 2004

Living through a flashback is like suffocating on the inside. Everything tenses, is more alive, more vivid and yet I am numb, feel nothing and see nothing. I am aware, but I am not. I live two lives at once, and I live neither. It is difficult to describe, no matter how many times it happens.

by twilight sapphireon May 12 2004

I have the most horrifying flashbacks, my past of sexual abuse is so clear I wish I could not remember. It haunts me when I am awake and asleep (nightmares), it's like what happened as a child was not enough. It's like I have to be punished even more. I often "ask why me?" I still dont know the answer to that, I dont think I'll ever will. I admire all of those who have set up these types of websites and of those who speak out about the abuse. Good luck to all of you who are on that road to dealing with your past.

by Mariaon Apr 27 2004

I had my first flashback last summer and I lost it. I tryed to hide from people that were not there, I thought I was being raped again every day for 3 months till I got help. I'ts hard but it can go away..

by Megon Mar 18 2004

Flashbacks can hit anytime and anywhere. They hit me like a ton of bricks dropped from the former World Trade Center. They make my skin crawl. I can be sleeping, walking, shopping, or driving. It can be a certain scent, song, food, or something/anything I'm not even aware of that will set off a flashback to the rapes or incest. I shake uncontrollably breaking out in a cold sweat. My heart races. As a child I became hypervigilent and remain so as a 43yr old woman. If I'm sleeping - I cannot return to sleep for fear they will return. They usually do. They trigger rage, pain, fear, and panic. I also lose time. Tears cascade as I write and waves of nausea overcome me yet I NEED to let others know they are not alone. I wish you All Peace in healing.

by Phoenyx on Feb 20 2004

Flashbacks are hard to deal with at times, and it can be difficult to ground myself when they start occuring. I think the best thing I can do is to make sure I am in a safe spot like on my bed with a bunch of soft pillows, blankets, and stuffed animals. I let the memories come and I cry for awhile. But I also try to maintain awareness that I am okay and that was in the past. After the flashbacks past, I make sure to identify what triggered me in the first place, avoid that, and do something relaxing to help calm me down.

by Lindsay on Feb 19 2004

Flashbacks are one of the worst things I deal with in my life. I can be at work, driving, at home, in therapy, with my family, with friends, on my own.....it doesn't matter. Suddenly I am right back in the experience and am totally debilitated. In therapy I am learning to use coping skills. Sometimes if I get them in place in time, I can guide myself through the flashback or be able to calm myself afterward. I am learning what my triggers are so I can avoid them as much as possible.

by Kelly on Feb 19 2004

I posted my story a while ago. I am just in need to spill the bin now as I have no one to talk to. When I thought I'm over the flashbacks, it happened again! It was so bad that I started crying in public, which I have never done before. The trigger was so simple: smell of alcohol and cigars..I actually felt like I smell his breath on my face again and walked out of the camp party sobbing.. was really thinking to hit my head against the wall so that the images and the pain would go away or at least so that I fall unconscious and don't have to remember.

by jay on Feb 19 2004

Please use this form to share your thoughts on Flashbacks, in any way you wish. I will post them on the site as soon as possible. If the form doesn't work for some reason email me!


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